Viz

letters@viz.co.uk toptips@viz.co.uk □ WHILST punditing on an England match at this year’s Euros, Alan Shearer said of a player that “he’s opened his body up and made the pitch bigger.” I’ve been involved in football for forty years, but try as I might, I just cannot understand what that means. If any of your readers, or indeed Alan himself, could throw any light on it, I would be very interested. Stan Vanderbildt, Luton □ AS AN owner of two dogs, I think it is very unfair that they are often described as shit machines. They also piss on things and bark all the fucking time as well. Eldon Furse, email □ ACCORDING to reports, scientists have developed a drug which increases the life expectancy of mice, making them live 25% longer.…

“Forgive the interruption to the Letterbocks page, but I would just like to express my gratitude to all of you who signed up to receive my five weekly e-mail newsletter. The first one has been dispatched, and I sincerely hope that all its recipients found it interesting, informative and entertaining. In these addresses I shall give my thoughts on current affairs, societal events and other matters of the day, as well as keeping you abreast of news from Viz Comic and Fulchester Industries. If you would like to join the select group of readers who are privy to my musings, simply pop your mouse along to the website at https://subscribe.viz.co.uk/sign-up There are no pre-requirements or intrusive medical questions. Simply enter your email address and you are guaranteed to be accepted.…

THE Olympic Games in Paris are over. For two weeks, the world watched as athletes at the peak of their game competed in the most famous sporting tournament in the world. And the magic of the Olympics has inspired Viz readers to write in and share their thoughts on the 2024 Games. □ WATCHING the triathlon cycling, I am dismayed to see a total disregard for the highway code and a lack of road awareness. The cyclists were racing across junctions, clearly breaking speed limits and simply ignoring red lights. It seems like there’s one set of rules for normal riders and another for elite Olympic triathletes. No wonder cyclists get a bad name. Johnny Browneye, Bramhope □ I THOROUGHLY enjoyed watching this year’s games from Paris. The skill, the athleticism and…

X Owner ELON MUSK has been in the news recently, accused of raising the temperature and inflaming tensions during the recent riots in the UK. But his actions have divided people. Many think that he is a complete TWAT for re-tweeting racist misinformation put out by far right activist Tommy Robinson. However, many others think that taking to his own platform to increase the pressure in an already tense situation makes him an absolute BELL END. So we want to know what YOU think Elon Musk is. Phone in to have your say on whether you think he is a TWAT or a BELL END. Text TWAT or BELL END to 01 811 8055. TWAT 01 811 8055 BELL END 01 811 8055 Text votes will be charged at God knows…

cover starts from £99 Say goodbye to countless dreary hours spent on the hard shoulder with The BB – the UK’s No. 1 Roadside Breakdance Service. Within minutes of your call-out, one of our roadside crew will arrive at your location* and start b-b-breakdancing, entertaining you and passing vehicles with their set. From a car blanket headspin to a slip-lane caterpillar, or a roof rack six-step to a tarmac windmill, we guarantee you won’t be out of action, even if your car is. All of our packages have full UK roadside cover as standard, or why not upgrade to our premium Homeboy/Homegirl Homestart service to get you and your street moving when your car won’t start. *please let our telephone operatives know the severity of the incident before dispatch, since some moves…

FLY COMPETITION The lucky winner of last issue’s Fly Competition is Viz reader Clive Mead from Luton. Clive wins a antastic, intricately detailed 1:1 scale model of two flies in flight, an heirloom which, although it will increase in value, we are sure will stay in the Mead family, being passed down through the generations in perpetuity. £2000 DREAM HOLIDAY COMPETITION The lucky winner of our £2000 Dream Holiday Competition is Viz reader John Harcourt from Gravesend. John wins a 1lb block of £2000-holiday-dream-inducing extra mature Cheddar, an heirloom which, although it will increase in value, we are sure will stay in the Harcourt family, being passed down through the generations in perpetuity.…